As part of our Bar/ Bat Mitzvah special we catch up with three North Leeds parents whose children were called up recently on planning the big day.
There’s a lot to consider when planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. From the stress of the learning to the fun parts such as food, venue, and entertainment, but every aspect adds up to create an unforgettable experience which brings the whole family together.
When it comes to planning such a momentous occasion, parents are often at a loss for where to start. Luckily Suzie Shenderey, whose son Ben was called up in January, began thinking about the event with plenty of time to spare. Suzie also had help planning from her sister-in-law Juliet Shenderey, JLife columnist and event planner extraordinaire: “We picked the date probably about two years in advance,” Suzie explained. “And then COVID happened, and it all got a little bit more complicated. Because of that, we didn’t do very much until six months prior because we didn’t have an idea of whether anything would happen.”
The COVID-19 disruption and uncertainty will be a familiar story to anyone who has attempted to plan an event in the past two years. Louise Moss faced similar uncertainty when organising her daughter Sylvia’s Bat Mitzvah, which came to fruition in March: “The planning was quite stressful because I didn’t want to start too early because of COVID. There were so many people that had to cancel or change the way that they were doing things. I booked all the main things early, but the actual nitty gritty stuff I didn’t dare do until closer to the time.”
Guests will often come away from the celebrations talking about the entertainment. This is the perfect element to customise to fit the honouree’s interest and to wow the guests all at once: “I knew what I was looking for when I began to search,” Louise stated. “My niece had a Bat Mitzvah a few years ago and for the entertainment they just had an acoustic guitar. We had a band called the Fiasco. They were just two guys on acoustic guitars with backing tracks. They played music from all different eras, and it was brilliant!”
Every family has different priorities when it comes to planning. For some the decorations are key. For others the food takes precedent. For Suzie and her family, the spiritual aspect of the event was the most important part: “The main thing that we wanted was for Ben to have his day in shul,” Suzie explains. “He worked really hard. As we’re at Sinai, the shul doesn’t have a permanent Rabbi at the moment. We contacted the Rabbi who married my husband and I 16 years ago, and he remembered us! He came and did the service with Ben, so it sort of came full circle for us as a family and it was lovely.”
Louise also found attending shul to be the highlight of the Bat Mitzvah experience for her: “For me, the synagogue morning and making sure that Sylvia was all organised was the most important part. The party is lovely, don’t get me wrong, but we had family coming to the synagogue who we hadn’t seen for such a long time because of the pandemic. Seeing them and being in synagogue together, and Sylvia doing so well after all of her lessons, made that morning really special.”
The lead up to the big day is filled with a lot of preparation, not just for the parents planning the event but also for the children being called up. The morning in shul represents months of preparation coming to fruition, and this can be an emotional experience for everyone involved: “I think in the end Ben enjoyed it,” Suzie commented. “It gave him a sense of pride and achievement, that he persevered and put in all the hard work and sacrifice, and that he could stand there and show everybody what he could do.”
The Bar or Bat Mitzvah is an event that every family will remember fondly for the rest of their lives, and while getting the planning right is important, it’s also vital to make sure you step back and enjoy the process. Julia, who recently planned her daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, has some advice to offer: “Start planning well in advance so you can relax and enjoy the build-up. Work with people you can rely on. A good team makes for a smoother planning process, but most importantly, make sure you enjoy the weekend, as it goes so fast!”