Voice Coach Jane Oakshott explains how those prepping for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah speech can conquer their nerves and find their voice.
Jane Oakshott is a Leeds-based voice coach whose clients range from hospital CEOs to newly appointed civil servants. She arrived at voice coaching through a colourful route which included a degree in French and Drama, a career running festivals, and directing large-scale mystery plays.
“I’ve always been interested in words and in voice,” she says. “Even as a child, I used to listen to Shakespeare because the words were so beautiful. I firmly believe that if you speak as though you really mean it, then success is there because the words take over.”
A Bar and Bat Mitzvah speech presents its own challenges: “I think it must be one of the most difficult things ever.” As Jane explains, most speeches allow the speaker a degree of detachment – discussing sales figures, a new product, or a subject they’ve mastered – whereas the Bar or Bat Mitzvah speech is an intensely personal experience:
“The subject is yours to choose. It’s not as if you’re talking about something outside yourself. And at 13 or so, a sense of your own importance is very often the last thing you feel.” For many young people the main issue is confidence, which Jane views not as a prerequisite for speaking well but rather as an outcome.
The foundation of Jane’s approach is practical: “Voice isn’t just about your throat!” Breathing, posture, and pace are inseparable from psychological hang-ups about public speaking and teenagers can start from a disadvantage: “Very often their posture is appalling because they spend so much of their time crouched over their phones. The first thing to do is help them realise how good they feel when they get rid of the round shoulders and craned neck, and how much extra oxygen that gives them.”
Jane has a simple stretch exercise she calls ‘the eagle’ which gives a balanced and effective speaking position – head level, arms free, and lungs with room to work: “If you stand up straight, your hands aren’t in the way – and if you’re still worried about what to do with them, hold your script. There is nothing wrong with reading a speech, only if you read it badly.”
For the nervous speaker, pace can be particularly tricky to master. Jane’s preferred instruction isn’t ‘slow down’, but the more positive ‘take your time’. It’s a subtle but important distinction – the energy of speed can be redirected into clear pronunciation instead of being wasted in rushed and often inaudible sentences. Jane emphasises the importance of tone, citing the adage: “People may forget what you said, but they always remember how you made them feel.” If you get the tone of voice right, that’s where persuasion comes.
So, what’s the key to nailing the right tone? “If you tell yourself a Bar Mitzvah is a solemn occasion, you could end up sounding really pompous. The thing is to be yourself. Say how you feel about it. Mean it!” This is especially true where the audience is made up of people who know and love the speaker, it’s not a performance for strangers. It needs to be an expression of the person giving it.
Asked how she might work with a nervous 13-year-old with a speech to prepare, Jane is clear that: “the process mustn’t be one-size-fits-all because everyone’s different.” One useful earlystep might be asking the young person to stand and talk on a random subject for two minutes: “How someone reacts when they’re put on the spot is very likely what they’ll do when they’re in front of an audience. From that two-minute talk, you can identify what’s working well and what’s most likely to trip them up. From there on it’s a bit like organic gardening – encourage what’s already flourishing, prune gently, and add the guiding support of technique. In building capability, you build lasting confidence.”
