For National Stress Awareness Day, we chat to mental health speaker Richard Abrahams about men’s mental health, how stress can contribute to it, and how to combat stressors.
Stress and mental health often go hand in hand; although stress is not considered a mental health condition, chronic and long-term stress can contribute to mental health problems and vice-versa. Mental illness can affect people of any gender, but due to societal expectations of masculinity, men are less likely to talk to others about their feelings, so they often suffer in silence.
In 2018, Managing Director of home improvement business Elmhurst, Richard Abrahams, suffered from mental health issues that were a product of the pressures of running his business and the stressors of everyday life. After overcoming his problems, Richard is now passionate about spreading awareness about men’s mental health and encouraging men to speak up before it’s too late.
Richard told us about his personal journey with stress, and how it affected him: “I knew there was something wrong because there was a lot going on within myself, both physically and mentally. As a man we typically tend to brush things under the carpet and pretend they’re not happening. I told myself that there must be something wrong with me physically, which in hindsight was probably me masking it but I never even thought about it being stress related. I saw the doctor and described my symptoms, and they told me that it was anxiety, depression, and general stress. Initially, I said that can’t be the case – I was definitely in denial.”
Stress is inevitable and unfortunately unavoidable in everyday life: “The analogy I was given when I was unwell was that everyone has a so-called stress bucket, we all live with a percentage of stress that’s day-to-day worries such as family issues, paying the bills, and work- related problems. These can be relatively easy to handle so the bucket isn’t always full. However, if you don’t try to de-stress and deal with these things, the stress bucket is at the point of overload and you feel choked, by which time it’s too late.”
“Manageable stress is one thing, but stress that gets out of hand is a huge factor to mental health issues. There’s an undeniable link between stress and mental health.”
Warning signs that stress is getting unmanageable can take many different forms, whether it’s emotional, physical, cognitive, or behavioural, and a lot of people don’t realise how closely linked they are: “In my case, things came on quicker than I anticipated. The anxiety was spiralling out of control quicker than the medication could keep up, it was unmanageable. The physical symptoms of headaches and weird sensations all through my body – that I still can’t explain – were so prominent, I googled them and convinced myself it was a neurological disease. What we don’t realise is that the relationship between mental and physical is so intertwined, mental illness is a culmination of both physical and mental issues. I developed insomnia, that was when I knew something was very wrong. The two other main things I experienced were irritability and the inability to make even the smallest decisions. Just deciding whether I wanted to go to the shops was a huge struggle. Even though there was clearly an issue, I didn’t really want to accept that it was the start of mental health problems.”
Typically, men are much less likely to reach out for help than women. This is generally because of societal pressures and stereotypical gender roles than men should be strong and keep things to themselves: “Men aren’t generally very good with vulnerability, feelings, and going to the doctors. We often hide under a mask of masculinity; we go about our days pretending that we’re alright as it isn’t the ‘manly’ thing to be weak and vulnerable or ask for help.”
Richard believes that one of the most vital ways to manage stress is to view how you manage your lifestyle and the way that you work: “People always talk about a work life balance and that is so important. It can be difficult to switch off from work but there’s ways to manage it, simple things. It’s all about prep to alleviate the problems that may be coming on.”
“In today’s world, we’re always looking at emails, calls, and messages that are coming in sometimes 24/7 and it can be difficult stop yourself. Just switch your phone off! The times where I turn it off on an evening feels so good every time, it’s amazing how much better you can feel.”
Switching off from work wherever possible and making small, simple changes to your lifestyle can be an undeniable help to managing stress. Not only is exercise great for physical health, but the impact also it can have on your mental wellbeing is huge. Exercise – even something like taking the dog for a walk – can help to distract your mind from the challenges you may be facing, as well as increasing the productions of your brains feel- good neurotransmitters, endorphins, that will improve your mood. Richard also recommends taking daily time for yourself to practice meditation or breathing exercises: “I’ve learnt to listen to my body so if I wake up feeling drained after dealing with work, I know I need to take a bit of time away from it. It’s easy to feel guilty about taking time for yourself but taking even just a few minutes out of your day is invaluable.”
Drawing from his own experiences, Richard advises people that are struggling with their stress levels to speak up: “Once you know and recognise when the feelings are coming on in any shape or form, get the advice immediately, open up, and talk to the right people. The importance of speaking up is the basic, going for a coffee, beer, or even just a walk with a pal will make you feel so much better.”
Richard combines running his business with his mental health work and is breaking into spaces that typically would not talk about mental health: “There’s a conference coming up in October called the Glazing Summit where I’m running the panel and the section for mental health and wellbeing. In the construction industry that’s predominantly male, unfortunately suicide rates are very high. By speaking at these kinds of events, I try to spread the message that we’re all living this very stressful life, but you can help yourself.”
“I’m not saying I’ve got all the solutions, but one initial chat can help to compartmentalise it and help work out how to take the next steps.”
On average, 191,000 men a year report stress, depression, or anxiety caused or made worse by work, compared to an average of 261,000 women over the same period. As a business owner, Richard has seen firsthand how much stress can affect people and how it doesn’t discriminate, he can recognise when people aren’t themselves and encourages them to speak up: “I’ve had men from the construction industry sat in my office crying their eyes out because they’re so overwhelmed, having an open-door policy is very important when running a business.”
Although National Stress Awareness Day is not primarily focused on mental health, it’s clear that the two are extremely closely linked. Richard believes that these awareness days are vital to spread the message: “I organised a mental health day tied in with Men’s Mental Health Week. Having listened to the feedback from men that were unsure about going to a day like that, and now having a waiting list of men that want to get involved, that itself speaks volumes about why we need more awareness. These events can open people up that have never spoken before and think about questions that they might not have been asked before. When you give men the opportunity to be asked something as simple as ‘how’s your week been?’ or ‘what have the challenges been in your life recently?’ and allow them to think about their answer rather than brushing it off, they can surprise themselves with their answers. Men in particular are desperate to speak out in a likeminded environment, it proves that there needs to be more opportunities for talking, and that men shouldn’t be sceptical.”
For more information on Richard, and how he can help you to manage stress, visit Richardabrahams.co.uk
Struggling to deal with stress? Visit Mentalhealth.org.uk