Oliver Cowan talks us through the ins and outs of his son Jack’s Bar Mitzvah as he took to the stage.
It’s the ceremonial part of the weekend which effectively is the Bar Mitzvah, when a boy reaches the age of 13 and technically becomes a man in Jewish law – the party is a custom which has grown and is now almost as important. For the family both were a product of many months work: “The planning of the weekend itself was hard because there were a lot of uncertainties. I’d been teaching Jack for around 18 months, and I think the actual party side of it, Nikki was working on for about eight or nine months.”
As Jack took on the ceremonial reciting of part of the Torah, known as the week’s “Sedre” Oliver took great pleasure of being on the “bimah”, or platform with him: “The teaching was really rewarding and it meant that I could be with him in the synagogue when he was called up, and I knew what he was doing. Equally, he was comfy and confident with me being there which was nice. One of his issues – because of his ADHD – is that most boys, when they have a Bar Mitzvah lesson, will go for 45 minutes or an hour. With Jack we tended to do seven to 10 minutes then he was off and he’d come back a bit later and do another few minutes. So, it was hard work, but on the day, it was extremely rewarding to watch him do what he did.
It was nice to share that. Overall, this was the highlight for me of an amazing weekend, I’m sure Jack’s was to open all his presents!”
When Jack Cowan was called up at Etz Chaim Synagogue in Leeds on 6th April it was the culmination of over a year’s worth of preparation. With a piece to learn, family to corral, and a big bash to celebrate, organising a Bar or Bat Mitzvah weekend is a lot of work! We spoke to Jack’s dad Oliver about what the experience was like for him: “My main job was that I taught Jack his piece for the synagogue, while Jack’s mum organised the party. It worked really nicely. I dealt with the Saturday and she dealt with the Sunday!”
Over the weekend, there are a lot of different aspects which need to come together for the event to go off without a hitch, as Southport FC fan and online bridge club owner Oliver explained: “If you were planning a normal party, once you find the venue, the party planner at the venue will help out with organising and catering. With a Bar Mitzvah, you’ve got to find your own kosher caterer, find a venue which will allow them to cater, and then because you’re not using a hotel usually, you have to sort the bar out and the entertainment.”
For Jack’s celebrations, the usual disco wasn’t an option, so the entertainment took on a fairground theme instead: “Jack has autism and ADHD. He doesn’t like loud noise and loud music, so that ruled out the idea of a disco. But he loves fairgrounds and carnivals, so Nikki, my ex-wife, did a fantastic job with that. She found a company to basically provide the stalls, so there was a tin can alley, a hook-a-duck etc.. And the food was tied in as well! Popcorn, candy floss and so on.”